The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
