I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
