She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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