Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
