It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
