How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
