They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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