no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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