I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize