I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
