I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
