there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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