Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
