Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
