We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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