well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
