everyone is single if you try hard enough
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
