I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
