This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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