if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
