We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
