I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
