My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
