She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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