Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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