Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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