Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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