Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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