I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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