Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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