Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
