with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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