I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
