I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
