if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
