either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
