Porn is love you can see.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
