A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
