everyone is single if you try hard enough
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
