apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
