I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
