tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
