Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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