I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
