i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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