so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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