Already got asked if we're dating
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
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I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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