I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
