he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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