please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
