i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
