We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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