nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
