So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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