Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
