There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
