We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
