When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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