I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
