she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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