Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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