just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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