i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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