It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
