I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
