She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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