the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm having to shit out rocks
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