Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
