We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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